I finally figured out the proper term to describe it I think. Whenever I'm talking about something important reguarding real raw human emotion, it all gets caught in my throat. I can feel them gathering in a giant cluster in my thoat and no matter how hard I think "say it! just go on and say it!" it wont come out and my lips wont move. Why does this happen I wonder? I think it is fear. Fear that there is no rewind button on life, no restart, no extra lives. We dont "play" life, we live it and if we don't choose wisely it swallows us up into sorrow and anger. Or perhaps I just dont think its really that important to say what I feel. Everything else has always seemed much more important than what I was thinking about. Its a little better with written or typed word. I find I can move my hands much better than my vocal chords with the subject of feelings, whether they be happy, sad, or anything in between. It causes people frustration, the people that actually want to hear my honest thoughts. I know it does, and I hate causing anyone to be less than content. However, the emotions still wont stop suffocating me. I guess another fear about it is if you open yourself to someone, tell them how you feel, you never know what they are going to do with it. They could hurt you, hurt you so much. So it keeps happening. Perhaps it will suffocate me to the point of death one day. lol.